No, he does not feel concern or the need to read about it or adjust anything. . You say you have PTSD and want to leave but feel guilty. However, its important to invest in building self-awareness through therapy, reading books on autism/Aspergers, relationships, depression, anxiety, OCD, addictions, etc to understand what drives your thoughts, feelings, and behavior. Making the space to hear how you can find each other again and understand each partners inner world also means setting reasonable concrete expectations, finding ways to establish routines, individual responsibilities of practical everyday life, activities to maintain emotional connections, self-determination, managing conflict, understanding the barriers to Aspergers communication, build in your own self-soothing and self-care, find ways to turn towards each other and to facilitate creative pathways. There is no need to feel guilt. One benefit is that I often feel empowered. There are big issues (carrying most of the load of family life, his meltdowns/shutdowns, no sex life, being treated like a business partner, info-only communication, etc.) But so does being married to someone with cancer, muscular sclerosis, blindness, bi-polar, or a spouse who is chronically unemployed or has a host of other difficulties. Or has a neurological problem? He has lived like everything is his and somehow hes convinced me it is too and if I want to leave I can if I dont then I can stay, doesnt matter one way or the other. They can contradict what their partner is saying or criticize them without fully thinking the matter through. | They can focus for hours striving to master their giftedness. He cares. If you are feeling trapped or suffocated in the relationship, it is essential that you tell him how you feel. If the relationship has not come to the point that you feel thatliving with Aspergers spouse is impossible then there is help available. The person with ASD can seem intensely devoted if a bit socially awkward. But there are certain challenges that you must be aware of if you are contemplating living with Aspergers spouse. Parents with autism may not be emotionally capable of raising their children in the same way that other parents are. Responsibility? Aspergers syndrome (as it used to be called) is a developmental disorder along the Autism Spectrum in which an individual may be very high functioning and intelligent but lacks in social awareness and processing. If things get too heated, stop and pick up the conversation later. Im now a nun and I want a lover. I appreciate your wisdom in advising this woman. And work through the emotions you are currently experiencing. Or if your husband was a heavy smoker and refused to quit or smoke outside, would you feel guilty if you moved out because you developed asthma or lung cancer because of second-hand smoke? I am a little afraid to file for divorce because I am feeling like I might not be protected in court. Maybe there's something wrong with me," she said. Taking care of you is important, Biblical, and not selfish. Answer: First, before I answer your question let me give a disclaimer that I am not an expert on Aspergers or Autism Spectrum disorder as its better defined these days. But I also feel guilty (he frequently reminds me that I never was fully committed to the marriagebut I wanted to bewanted to be committed to a healthy marriage). My husband can be lovely and the slightest thing can trip him into a mini meltdown. It used to be called Cassandra Phenomena but has recently been relabeled Ongoing Traumatic Relationship Syndrome (OTRS). Additionally, with other layers of unions that involve, interracial, same-sex, physical or mental abilities would present with their own layers of challenges and strengths. One challenge is that over time, people with Aspergers may develop habits or routines which are not practical for their current situation. We seek out romantic love desperately in our culture regardless of our differences. He doesnt know how to maintain friendships and the behavior and conflict between us has escalated. Then I had this new thought. He ignores them, neglects them, treats them like 2 yos when they are beyond that, gaslights them, puts them in dangerous situations, makes them late, forgets their basic self-care stuff (hair, teeth, homework, eating healthy). I would . There are many resources available to you, and you deserve to be safe and happy. I do care about him but cannot call it love at this point. A while back a book came out written by a husband who was diagnosed with Aspergers who wanted to do all he could do to win his wife back. People with AS exhibit empathy despite being stigmatized as such, despite the fact that this is a mental illness that harms their ability to communicate. I knew he had problems but choose to stay with him. I've been married to a man with aspergers for 35 years and he has sucked the life from me. Due to the volume of questions we receive, we cannot answer every one. Admit where you may have messed up and take responsibility. He would not have it any other way than for us to live together as one big happy family along with our three cats, dog, and baby. Did it matter at all? People with Aspergers often avoid making eye contact. I dont know the future. Its called, by David Finch. He has many of the symptoms, such as difficulty socializing, obsession with certain interests, and problems with eye contact. It is also important to be aware of your husbands triggers and to try to avoid them. Positivemental healthessentially allows you to effectively deal with lifes everyday challenges. I will hang up. Some people may not realize how important sex is in so many romantic relationships because they have little emotional connection to it. My son is willing, but misses the queues. However, this trait doesnt work well in a marriage. Is your safety or sanity unimportant because hes ill? I can enjoy the pillow that holds my head back comfortably, the soothing smell of lavender, and the silkiness of the soap bubbles against my dried-out skin. This is especially true if your husband has Aspergers. There can be many negative effects if my husband has Aspergers. Having someone to talk to will help you through this difficult time and allow you to express your feelings. The symptoms can range in severity, so not everyone who has Aspergers will experience the same challenges. Aspergers is a condition that is often misunderstood, and it can be difficult for those who have it and their loved ones. My dreams for a Christian home and family never materialized. I am afraid i will somehow be forced to walk away without my 401k , let alone any other monies. I do feel guilty looking out for myself, especially since I did commit to this marriage, no matter how hesitant I was (as I am so often reminded). Dont cut your partner off when theyre speaking. I know God hates divorce and he may or may not leave me or divorce me but I dont think God expects me to not be a full person for myself just so he will stay and be happy. They may just find it difficult to understand social cues or read other peoples body language. This has made me a stronger person both mentally and emotionally. Walking in CORE Strength Registration Now Open. Our first counselor completely missed it and told me my needs are too great and I need to adjust them (trust me they arent or I never would have made it this long). Not a good combo. When I can stop worrying about the future or regretting or ruminating about the past, there is a lot to enjoy and be grateful for right now. Even if I tell him i have a dying patient and can not talk he wont/cannot shut up. But this night, I thought soaking in the tub would relax my tired and achy muscles. If you are unhappy in your marriage, then it is time to take action and do what is best for you. It was during that process we realized that my husband is ASD, likely Aspergers. Maybe there's something wrong with me," she said. Im curious, however, what is your husbands response to his diagnosis and the effect his limitations have on you? My partner needs to be the #1 priority. Describing or labeling their feelings can become a challenge for them. Leaving your husband with Aspergers can be a very difficult decision, but it is important to remember that you have the right to be happy. When dating someone with Aspergers syndrome, you must be extremely clear about what you require. In my work with hundreds of neurodiverse couples (where one or both partners are Asperger's/autistic), and have found that those who really apply themselves daily to working on the above behaviors are the ones that are able to create happy, healthy, long-term relationships. This may include speaking to a lawyer, therapist, or even a financial advisor. Autism spectrum disorder (ASD) is a neuro developmental disorder that can cause a variety of problems in life. There are other ways to feel good without winning.". If you think your husband has Aspergers, these are some of the signs you may be dealing with. Depression, Anxiety, Stress or something else - we are here to help! A variety of self-help and support groups can be found on the Internet. After the separation, he seemed to start working harder and wants me to come back. Not all people who have Aspergers syndrome are low functioning. Understand yourself and your partner. Although he makes a lot of missteps, he is a safe person for me and his sister because he cares. You should be able to communicate clearly with your partner and gain a greater understanding of them. Conclusively, dealing with an Aspergers husband is not easy. But because of research and support groups, this can now change. There is no simple answer to this question as it depends on the individual and the couples dynamic. What you're describing is not normal, healthy or excusable, Aspergers or no. Aspergers intimacy needs and wants are also problematic for the other partner. Trust my partner. During courtship he had his own place to go retreat to. But I can right now, be grateful for the relaxing warm water I get to soak in. Yourmental health your psychological, emotional, and social well-being has an impact on every aspect of your life. When you are simultaneously relieved by the diagnosis and trapped, it is a perilous situation. I have decided to leave my husband and sell the house. What am I feeling?. And if you decide to stay, make sure you are doing so because its what you truly want, not because you feel like you have to. Living with Aspergers spouse can be quite challenging for their partners. Some people living with Aspergers, on the other hand, may seek a life where they can be left to their own areas of pursuits. After completing an onlin. Mirror. This can include things like always needing to have a specific routine, or doing the same thing over and over again. I really found the comment on Asperger husband and NT wife to be very helpful and informative. People with Aspergers often have trouble reading nonverbal cues, such as body language or facial expressions. I know he wants to change (I think), but Im terrified it will be the same and I cant deal with that. It is not uncommon for people with Aspergers to fixate on one or two particular subjects. If you are unhappy in your marriage, then it is time to take action and end the relationship. 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