The Bearing

Oh, the recession

The Bearing — Tue, 19 Oct 2010 13:07:22 +0000

Due to circumstances to complicated to explain and to hard to grasp, The Bearing, a.k.a your favorite source for reliable skateboarding news on the internet, came to an unexpected halt this June. It’s not you, it’s us, and you don’t need to feel bad about it. On a brighter note though, word has it that some serious venture capital is on it’s way to our tiny offices. At least that’s what we read on the Slap forums before the post was deleted.

Stay tuned for some major updates coming this fall.

Tum Yeto in a jar

The Bearing — Mon, 28 Jun 2010 22:50:47 +0000

Tum Yeto, distributor of renowned skateboard brands such as Toy Machine, Foundation, Ruckus, Pig and Dekline, caused quite a stir this tuesday as they announced the release of a complete line of pickled condiments.

- Tod Swank, head of operations at Tum Yeto. Tell us a little bit about your new line of products.

- You mean the pickles? Pretty sweet, huh? We’re releasing a full line of epic edibles. Pickled cucumbers, both sliced and regular ones, cornichons, or gherkin if you’d prefer, red onions, artichokes and ginger. The line of products reside under a completely new brand we’ve decided to name “Wicked Pickles” and plans this far, other than the actual products, are a team. As of now we’ve managed to get Ed Templeton and dancing freestyler Daniel Gesmer on the squad.

- Interesting but weird product. Who’d buy it?

- Beats me. I hate pickles.

Giveaways from Alien Workshop

The Bearing — Wed, 23 Jun 2010 08:48:35 +0000

Starting on September 1st, Alien Workshop will be giving away random goodies with every skateboard deck purchase. The deal is good until November 30th or until they’ve run out of stock and will be available in finer skateboard establishments around the globe. We gave AWS founder Chris Carter a call for some further information.

- Chris Carter, you’re giving away random goodies with every deck purchase. Pretty generous I would say.

- Amazing isn’t it? With every purchased board you get a box of cereals.

- What? Cereals?

- You know, as a kid you got different kinds of toys in your cereal boxes and now we want to do it the other way around. But that’s not all. You can get a wide variety of cereals, like Frosted Flakes, regular ol’ Corn Flakes, Cap’n Crunch, Coco Puffs. Hell, we’ve even added some muesli to spice things up.

- I don’t see the point of this. Are you trying to tell the skateboarding community anything?

- Yeah. Don’t buy any cereal this fall. We’ve got heaps. We’ll probably even include some boxes when you buy wheels or hardware from us. Arto wanted to pour some Bran Flakes in all his Gravis pro shoes but you have to draw the line somewhere, you know.

- Ok. Noted. No cereal this fall. Still sounds a bit… Stupid actually.

- Stupid is as stupid does.

- Uhu. Before we end this “conversation” let me just tell you one thing.

- Shoot!

- The latest X-Files movie SUCKED!

Click…

Career moves for Chad Tim Tim

The Bearing — Tue, 22 Jun 2010 00:31:23 +0000

Element Skateboard’s Chad Tim Tim has decided to take his career to the next level as he becomes the first professional skateboarder to take on film dubbing, or voice acting if you’d prefer.

- Word on the street is that you’re doing the voice for Belgian animated cartoon journalist Tintin, created by Georges Hergé Rémi in the 1920’s. True or false?

- Absolutely true, sir. I’m actually about to enter the studio as we speak.

- So, how come you got the gig?

- Duh! Hello! Think about it. Tintin. Tim Tim. No rocket science, eh?

- Well, my name is Mickey but Disney didn’t give me a call.

- Too bad for you. Anywho… I’ll start out with “Tintin in the Land of the Soviets” and then after that I’ll be doing “Tintin in the Congo”.

- Okay, but I still don’t get it. Your name got you the gig?

- After that it’s “Tintin in America” followed by “Cigars of the Pharaoh” and “The Blue Lotus”.

- Hello?

- Then there’s going to be a sixth adaptation in which I will be doing the voice over; “The Broken Ear” followed by “The Black Island”, “King Ottokar’s Sceptre”, “The Crab with the Golden Claws” and “The Shooting Star”.

Click…

Skateboarding dreams: Peter Smolik

The Bearing — Tue, 22 Jun 2010 00:12:49 +0000

What do skateboarders dream about? We’re not sure but perhaps Peter Smolik can guide us to an answer in his story about his latest adventures with the Sandman.

- Ah man! I dreamt that I was trapped in a jar of pickled cucumbers. One of them big jars, ya dig? And one of them cucumbers was called Peter Smolik too. I was like, “get the hell outta here”. Freaky as hell.

- Let me geuess. And then you woke up?

- Yes, and then I woke up. Tihi…

Grind King launches Grind Queen

The Bearing — Tue, 15 Jun 2010 15:32:00 +0000

Venice based hardware manufacturer Grind King, is about to drop a completely new series of skateboardproducts, namely the Grind Queen. We gave the people behind the 21 year old company a call to see what’s up.

- Well, we’ve noticed that skateboarding is no longer a male dominated sport. More and more females are seen cruising the streets of Venice and throughout the world. We’re really happy about this new venture towards an entirely new, expanding market.

- Thats why we’ve created a series of products named Grind Queen. To match their needs, ya dig?

- Not really dug yet. What are the female skaters needs?

- Eh… Girlie stuff!

- Girlie stuff?

- Yeah, like stuff… That girls like.

- Ok, so whats the difference between the Grind Queen products and the Grind King products?

- Well, first of all it’s called Grind QUEEN, you know, Queen, like in Queen Elizabeth, and Queen… the band. Duh.

- Yes, I get it. And?

- And, it matches the female skaters needs.

- So thats it?

- Yeah, pretty damn clever isn’t it? We stole the idea from Girl Skateboards.

- Hooray for you being clever and good luck with your new products.

- Thanks, By the way. Have you seen that lady Skateboard Granny? She’s awesome.

Click…

Skater spins 540 degrees

The Bearing — Wed, 09 Jun 2010 09:08:50 +0000

Reports are coming in from several sources around the globe that Powell & Peralta professional Mike McGill has completed the task of going up a vertical ramp, spinning 540 degrees in the air and then landing on the surface of the ramp again, facing the opposing wall.

It is also being said that McGill, who’s the first in the world to complete this task, will call the manoeuvre “The McTwist”. The Bearing caught up with the inventor to discuss the ridiculous stunt.

- 540 degrees. That means that you made one and a half spin around your own axle, right?

- Thats right, sir. I’m happy as chipmunk! Been trying this trick for years. And you know what?

- What?

- I had pop tarts for lunch.

- Good for you. About that name.

- Hee hee hee. It’s gonna stick. Believe me. George wanted me to call it The P&P Twister but it just didn’t have a ring to it, ya know.

- I hear you. So what’s next?

- Well, I have this catfish pond to empty tomorrow so I really don’t have time for this. Besides that, I’m having lunch with this upcoming new actor, Tom Cruise. He’s gonna be the shiznitz in the future. Laters.

- In the future?

Click…

Woodward to introduce 30 plus skate camp

The Bearing — Wed, 09 Jun 2010 07:22:05 +0000

This morning, Woodward Skatecamps announced they will be launching skatecamps for men and women over the age of 30. The 30+ camp will take place at the Pennsylvanian Camp Woodward where participators will get the opportunity to make up for lost childhood moments and meet up with both former and current heroes.

In an official press release, Woodward Skatecamps state the following:

————————–

Woodward, PA.
June 9th, 2010

Did you miss out on the opportunity to skate with your favorite pro’s in the 80’s or 90’s? Wouldn’t your parents send you anywhere? Were your family poor? Now’s the time to make up for all this.

Woodward Skatecamps give skateboarders above the age of 30 the chance to once more enter their own private dreamland and meet up with favorite pro’s, both former and current. Skate that park that you only saw in magazines and videos and hang out with top skateboarders, just like they were immediate family.

Visiting pros will include, to mention a few, the entire original Powell & Peralta Bones Brigade setup with Tony Hawk, Lance Mountain, Mike McGIll, Stevie Caballero, Tommy Guerrero and Rodney Mullen, Santa Cruz 80’s team with Rob Roskop, Jeff Kendall, Natas Kaupas, Steve Alba and Claus Grabke, Vision 80’s team with Joe Johnson, Don Brown and Kele Rosecrans plus a reincarnation of the 1995 lineup of Menace, headlining Kareem Campbell, Fabian Alomar, Eric Pupeki and Joey Suriel.

To make the experience seem even more like a time machine, we’ve constructed two new areas in our ever growing experience. The first one is a replica of the original Mike McGill skatepark, complete with miniramps and vert and the second one is a street area inspired by the Lockwood schoolyard, complete with plastic picninc tables, benches and banks.

The camp itself will take place on August 30th this summer, right after the last week of the regular camp has finnished. Anyone is welcome but the camp has a limit of 120 participants and, of course, you need to be 30 years of age, or older.

For only $3999, your childhood dream is waiting for you. Visa, Mastercard or Amex accepted.

————————–

We’re pretty much there already!

AVE the inventor

The Bearing — Thu, 03 Jun 2010 09:46:38 +0000

After several years of skateboarding on a professional level, Alien Workshop’s Anthony Van Engeln steers his ship in a completely different direction and takes on the noble art of inventing. Sources tell us that AVE will be entering his first patent in the upcoming annual Collegiate Inventors Competition this summer.

- Ah yes. Inventions. How delightful!

- I agree completely! Do you care to share your patent with us.

- I shouldn’t, but what the heck. I’ve already submitted my prototype so no harm will be done. Here’s the deal. You have a home phone, right?

- Um, well, I used to have a home phone.

- Okay, so then you know what I’m talking about. Anyways, imagine having your home phone in your pocket, carry it anywhere and, wait for it, be able to call anyone, where ever you are. BANANAS! Basicly that’s it. A home phone that you can use on, say, the subway or in a coffee shop or whatever.

- You know this is nothing new right?

- No, I invented it.

- No really. Ever heard of cellphones or mobile phones?

- What? You’re telling me this gadget already exist?

- Sadly, yes.

- Damn son! I better call Chris Carter to see if I can get my pro model back.

Exit Brad Staba. Enter Data Barbs.

The Bearing — Tue, 01 Jun 2010 23:47:08 +0000

Head of operations over at Skate Mental, Mr Brad Staba, announced this Wednesday that he will be changing his name. But, in order to not confuse his fans too much, he decided upon a simple anagram, based on his former persona. Brad Staba is from now on known as Data Barbs.

- That’s right daddy-o. This genius is switching up some letters!

- But why a name change and why on earth do you want to be called “Data”.

- Pontless question. Next please.

- Actually, that was my only one.

- Allrighty! Of to the greyhound races! I bet Brian a 100 bucks that you would call and try to make a pointless interview. Hope he can pay me in Alexander Hamilton’s. See ya on the country club, if they let you in. Lateeeeers.

Skateboarding elephant completes the Megaramp

The Bearing — Tue, 01 Jun 2010 23:35:28 +0000

Last friday, African elephant Lulu took on the gap of doom, better known as the mega ramp, at Bob Burnquist’s backyard playground in Vista, California. Lulu’s keeper and spokesperson, Josh Kalis, gives us the scoop.

- You know, I don’t go to Bob’s that often since I mostly skate street, but a couple of weeks back, Lulu dropped in on the vert wall at my local skatepark. I quickly noticed that she really had that tranny steez you need to do that crazy ass jump across the mega channel.

- You can’t be serious. Elephants don’t and can’t skate.

- Well that’s your opinion. Anyhow, I called up Bob and he was like “Yeah, get her over here and I’ll give her the tour”. We got there and all of a sudden Lulu’s up there at the drop in. Seconds later she’s whizzing down the slope and hits that kicker. Completed the gap, first try.

- Did anyone get this on tape?

- Yeah I did. But we’re saving it for the DGK video. Not sure if we’re gonna use it though. She did an ugly as stinkbug so nothing major went down, really.

- If this is true, I’m gonna eat my shorts.

- Hahahaaaa. You’re in for a treat boy. That is, if you don’t soil yourself while watching her go. I’m hanging up now. You’re boring.

- Wait, I got a couple of…

Click…

Blogging about crickets

The Bearing — Tue, 01 Jun 2010 23:08:04 +0000

Professional skateboarders around the world all have one thing in common, aside from skateboarding; the need to fill up their spare time with something to do while NOT skateboarding. Throughout the years we’ve seen skateboarders taking on everything from video games to collecting cars and entering poker challenges. But when others indulge in material possessions, Toy Machine pro Billy Marks steers his activities towards the animal kingdom, or more precisely, crickets.

- Billy Marks, we’ve heard you collect crickets.

- What? No, I don’t.

- You don’t? Ed told me you did.

- That goofball!

- So you don’t collect crickets?

- Nah dude, I BLOG about crickets.

- That means you’re fascinated by them at least?

- Not really.

- Why would one start a blog about crickets then?

- Beats me. It’s as dull as a donkeys butt.

- Um… Okay. You know what, maybe you should do something more, let’s call it constructive, with your spare time if you find blogging about crickets boring.

- You’re right. I’ll start a blog about chipmunks instead.

- There you go. Something to get you going. You dig chipmunks?

- Not the least, but it’s too easy to start a blog these days.

- So blogging is your actual desire?

- Well, not really. Or maybe it is. Could I maybe do some editorial work for The Bearing?

- Not a chance.

Bam likes his soup hot

The Bearing — Mon, 31 May 2010 13:53:41 +0000

MTV celebrity and Element Skateboards professional, Brandon “Bam” Margera, reveals, on a not so shocking note that he likes soup and he likes it hot.

- Oh man, hot soup is the shiznitz! Not TOO hot but hot enough to like, ya dig?

- It has been dug. Any special type of soup?

- Asparagus.

- That’s it?

- Yup.

Lance Mountain to climb Mount Everest

The Bearing — Wed, 26 May 2010 16:24:43 +0000

On a press conference this weekend, one of skateboarding’s most legendery shredders, Lance Mountain revealed that he will be climbing the mountains of all mountains, Mount Everest, this July.

- Well, I thought it was about friggin’ time, you know. Live up to my name and all that. Besides, my garage sale gave me the opportunity to get a great guide for the adventure.

- You’re doing this just because your last name is “Mountain”?

- Kind of.

- You should stay at home. You don’t see Tony Hawk sheltering birds or Matt Mumford driving around in his mum’s Ford just because of their surnames.

- You know what. I’ll stay at home, combing my eyebrows instead. Thank you The Bearing. You might have saved me a limb or two.

- You’re very welcome. Bye bye.

- Bye. Take care..

…

- Hello?

- Yes?

- You didn’t hang up.

- No. You go first.

- No you.

- No you.

Click…

Josh Brolin to produce sequel to Thrashin’

The Bearing — Wed, 26 May 2010 14:06:18 +0000

In the 80’s, he charmed an entire generation as Corey Webster, cute skateboarder from the valley in the skateboarding feature film Thrashin’. In 2010, Josh Brolin, uses his newly won respect from the silver screen hit No country for old men, by putting some serious dough into the production of Thrashin’ 2 – The next generation.

The official press release, sent out this morning, states that the movie will once again feature Corey Webster, played by Brolin himself along with Pamela Gidley taking the role as Chrissy, Webster 80’s girlfriend. The couple, now married, have raised a son, Brandon, who reportedly will be played by Girl Skateboards athlete Alex Olson. Brandon, like his father, also have a hard time fitting in with the rougher crowd and just like the first movie, this rougher crowd are The Daggers.

By criss crossing the streets and at any cost avoiding The Daggers, this time around ruled by Johnny Hook, aka Li’l Hook (played by Zac Efron), son of former Dagger head Tommy Hook, Brandon tries to find the route to pro skateboard stardom by approaching the right industry people. But just like his dad in the 80’s, he constantly ends up in fisticufs with the Venice based skateboard thugs.

Fueled by anger and strive, Brandon finally lands a spot at the world renowned Maloof Money Cup to battle for honor, glory and, maybe, that professional athlete contract.

We’ve tried to reach Mr Brolin for a comment on the project without success. However, his assistant tells us that we all should get over ourselves and get a real job.

Thrashin’ 2 – The next generation is schedueled to premiere in mid 2012.

Yoyo Schultz – The videogame

The Bearing — Wed, 26 May 2010 13:18:26 +0000

Following in the footsteps of video game megahits such as Tony Hawk Pro Skater and the EA Skate series, 80’s freestyle pro, Joachim “Yoyo” Schultz, announced this tuesday that he will be releasing the first ever pure freestyle video game, coming this christmas. The game has been given the title “Skateboarding without Yoyo is a no no”, which however only seem to be a working title.

- Yoyo, a freestyle skateboarding only video game?

- Ya, it’s gonna be fantasticher! Beware of kids going apeshit for holiday 2010. You will be able to do loads of crazy freestyle manouvers, like walking the dag, railflips, caspers, fingerflips, 360 spins and, of course, the yoyo plant which will actually be the hardest trick in the game. The game itself is gonna be set in urban environments and on the sandy shores of Island of Sylt in northern Germany.

- So let me get this straight… You’re set in these environments and all you can do are flatland tricks?

- Ya!

- Sounds a bit monotonous.

- Oh, but that’s not all, mein Junge. You can also indulge in some of my favorite spare time activities like juggling, hacky sacking and eating hot dogs. But only as bonus levels when you achieve the yoyo plant.

- Wow.

- Pretty hot right? Well well, pretzel. I’m off to do some epic packaging design for the game. Auf wiedersehen!

Egg shaped wheels from Autobahn

The Bearing — Mon, 24 May 2010 09:56:44 +0000

This monday Autobahn Wheel Co announced their upcoming new product, the egg shaped wheel. The Bearing caught up with Autobahn’s marketing director Jason Rogers for some quick Q&A.

- Jason Rogers, why are you making an egg shaped wheel and what’s the purpose of it?

- Well, it’s not exactly egg shaped but seen from the side, the wheel is elliptic. Our research and development department has spent years on this product and it’s gonna be the bomb. It gives you the opportunity to get a little pump each time the wheel spins. Or two pumps if you’re quick.

- To be frank, I’d prefere a flatspotted wheel before this invention. I think this is just some sort of marketing scheme

- Dang! You got me. It’s an easter giveaway that we made for our employees and the factory got the order amount wrong. So, now we’ve got this enormous stock of useless eggwheels. And I don’t really care what you think. That is, as long as you don’t tell anyone. If you do, I’ll slap you silly.

- This is going to be published.

- As stated, I’ll slap you silly.

- I’m 6,4′, wheighing 220 pounds.

- EEK!

Introducing the Schaafleboard

The Bearing — Wed, 19 May 2010 14:03:16 +0000

The two phenomenons skateboarding and shuffleboard couldn’t be more different. This being said, there’s no reason why the two couldn’t live together in a sort of perfect harmony. At least that’s what Real Skateboards professional Max Schaaf says about his latest invention: The Schaafleboard.

- Max Schaaf, we’ve heard you got something cooking called The Schaafleboard. Care to elaborate?

- Well, I don’t want to bore you with any details but this other day, I was polishing a couple of mint condition ‘55 Harley Davidson Panhead fenders when it suddenly struck me. Why couldn’t you combine the two activities skateboarding and shuffleboard. I mean you use boards in both, right? And I’ve always wanted to put my name on something “in”.

- And schaafleboarding is the next in thing amongst youngsters?

- I’m pretty sure it’s gonna be wild. Imagine a shuffleboard with Indy 169’s. Sick as malaria! Pretty neat name too if you ask me. And you should, because I’m the inventor.

- Ehm… Hate to ask you this, but do you know what shuffleboard really is or how it’s played?

Max Schaaf

- Played?

- You know it’s a sport, right?

- What? Isn’t it a thingamagoo?

- No, it’s a sport in which players use broom-shaped paddles to push weighted pucks, sending them gliding down a narrow and elongated court, with the purpose of having them come to rest within a marked scoring area.

- Know what? I have to look this up on The Google. But I’m pretty sure your wrong.

- Sorry to say this but, I’m not wrong.

- Whatever. It’s the SCHAAFLEBOARD! Kids are gonna go wild. Gotta run, I’m meeting your mom for supper.

- What?

Click…

Skateboarding dreams: Chris Pastras

The Bearing — Wed, 19 May 2010 02:16:31 +0000

Today we start our new department in which skateboarders tell us about one or more dreams they recently had. First in line is Chris Pastras who’d like to share a shocking nightmare with our readers.

- Well, you know my nickname is Dune, right? So, I dreamt that I was in a cinema and was going to watch a pre screening of Sex and the City 2. I had bought a bunch of snacks, Skittles, Swedish fish and so on. Anywho… When the projector lit the silver screen the movie showing was Dune. Like, get the hell out of here!

- That’s it?

- Yup.

- That wasn’t even a nightmare.

- Is that so? I might have to look into that ’cause when you put it that way, it wasn’t very scary. Can I get a raincheck on this particular department on The Bearing?

- Sure.

- Allrighty! Nap time!

Dustin Dollin to star in remake of Alf

The Bearing — Wed, 19 May 2010 02:03:45 +0000

Reports are coming in from all over that NBC’s upcoming remake of the 80’s family sitcom ALF will have a familiar face in one of the leading roles. That is, if you’re a skateboarder and recognize Dustin Dollin, who will be playing the part as Brian Tanner.

- This is gonna be wicked I tell you, Dustin says when we call him up.

- I used to watch ALF all the time while growing up. My brother had it on VHS and it was basicly looping in my VCR, twentyfour seven.

- And now you’re gonna play the part as Brian Tanner.

- Yes. Hooray for me!

- Dustin, you know that the character Brian Tanner is a twelve year old boy.

- Of course, dimwit. As I said, I was an ALF fan. I’m just gonna speak with a really high pitched voice and laugh a lot, like twelve year olds do. And play with Transformers. And drink pop. And snack. Snack all the time. Poptarts. Woohoo!

- Actually, this might be fun to watch.

- Great. Was that it? I’m late for sunday school.

- You may be excused.

- Thanks. Don’t forget, coming this fall, all the way from Melmar. ZAP!