"Things were all deconstructed and disconnected and didn't make sense, so making the film was a way to relearn how to tell a story." I encourage patients to find creative or unique outlets to express themselves and understand their emotions in non-traditional ways other than writing and reading. I woke to hear a voice debating the benefits andpitfalls of dipping a ginger nut biscuit in tea,and knew I must be in hospital again. As I was filming that first interview, I remember the hairs on my arms sticking on ends, thinking theres something really extraordinary about this woman and everything thats happening. They looked at me with sad eyes; I wished I could say something to assuage their sadness. This year, I told my husband that I have a new goal I want to be able to argue with him. As Tom chops the kindling while I write this, I feel so very fortunate to be here in the sumptuous stillness, with the singing of tawny owls in the evening. Soon after Iwas born, my parents broke up, and my mother, my older brother, Jan, and I moved three times before I was 16, when we ended up in London. The day of the stroke was fairly typical for me - a Sunday in November 2011. Nov 2011 - Sep 202210 years 11 months. PEOPLE 2008.3.10 Text: Lotje Sodderland Vlieger & Vandam comprise Carolien and Hein (respectively), a Dutch husband-and-wife team who's happy union was the result of a friend's casual match-making exploits. He has this connection with deconstructed language. First of all, something terrible has happened. He started explaining that Lotje had started filming herself and would I come and meet her? Trained as a paramedic during his national service days, Mr Tan instinctively called for an ambulance immediately. At age 34, film director Lotje Sodderland was struck by an intracerebral haemorrhagic stroke after a night out with her friends. I'd lost the ability to retain information so I wanted to record this new and terrifying place I'd found myself in. "It was amazing, it was all in capital letters with lots of dots," remembers Robinson. n the short term, I had to re-learn many words and struggled to put them in the right order. Like many of the UK's 1.2 million stroke survivors, Sodderland spent months trying to relearn how to navigate this new world, where thoughts followed no structure and words lost their meaning. At Tan Tock Seng Hospital, Mr Tan was further dismayed to learn that his wifes condition was diagnosed as a drug overdose and possible suicide attempt. Unable even to contemplate the idea of fear, it felt as if I had become fear itself. I took meditation and mindfulness classes at a Buddhist centre near my home. I was emerging after two days inan induced coma, after having an intracerebral brain haemorrhage - an unprovoked bleeding of the brain - at the age of 34. She has now recovered, but requires dozens of daily iPhone reminders to compensate for her unreliable short-term memory. Butbeforethe end of the therapy, Lotje experiences generalized seizure and is taken to the hospital. We see her brightenwhen she triumphantly comes up withthe word nephew pointing to a picture of her youngniece. . The comfort of unconsciousness threatened to pull me under, but instead I took my handbag and walked out of the door. Currently working with Film4, Lotje is in development on her first feature. When I tried to wake her, I saw a pool of saliva on the pillow, and noticed her speech was slurred and movements were weak.. At some point I was able to communicate with my brother that I really needed to get in touch with this woman. According to her, making a film about her struggles was the first linear thought she had after the stroke. Pretending she was an actor, playing a character in a film, also helped give her distance from the more distressing things she went through in hospital. Imanaged to call him and he found mefive minutes later, crouching on the floor outside myflat. This might well be Jason Bourne's last outing, so I hope they send him off in style, Harley Quinn was one of the most popular Halloween costumes this year, despite the holiday falling months before the release of the film she's in. I would spend every day for a month at the Institute of Neurology in Queen Square in London, where live electrodes would be strapped to my head, zapping my neurones into submission. She collapses in the hotel bathroom and her memories of the evening end there. This first standalone 'anthology' film centres on a Death Star heist, but may prove to just be filler while Star Wars 8 is in production, 'A spacecraft traveling to a distant colony planet and transporting thousands of people has a malfunction in one of its sleep chambers. Clint Eastwood will direct this biopic, about an airline captain who was hailed as a national hero in the US after successfully executing an emergency water landing on the Hudson River off Manhattan, It's 2015 and Bridget is now pouring her soul into an iPad rather than a diary. When we came for the activities, my wife had to wheel me in, and people thought I was the patient.. She makes it to a local hotel but she cant speak and so she cant explain whats wrong. My friends who lived overseas, especially Lucy and Anita, who lives in Holland, visited regularly. Registered office: 1 London Bridge Street, SE1 9GF. Brechas Urbanas Sao Paolo. Then reality hits. Sodderlands stroke left her with significant cognitive problems: impaired speech and memory; trouble with sequencing events; distorted, sometimes psychedelic vision; and an inability to read or write that persists to this day. Later on, I learned the stroke was caused by a rare development of malformed blood vessels in my brain. But I felt anxious about leaving. Lotje, what did David Lynch mean to you before your stroke?LS: I got into Twin Peaks when I was a teenagerreally, really into Twin Peaks. After two days in an induced coma, with emergency surgery to my parietal and temporal lobes, the parts of my brain wherelanguage and perception are housed, I woke up in aworld I didnt recognise. Everyone is so pissed about this remake of the Robin Williams cult hit that it will be a miracle if it escapes a critical drubbing, Martin Scorsese's next film doesn't have a mafioso or corrupt banker in sight. A fluorescent green laptop screen would flash single words at me and simultaneously play them into my ears; I would repeat them back. I didnt even know what assessment meant, or what I was being assessed for. . The challenge is to rebuild your identity, Sodderland told me when I spoke with her and Robinson by phone from Austin, Texas, earlier this week. But when I looked back, the words had slid off the page. "Having lost the ability to create a linear narrative it became really important to me to tell this story," she says. She acknowledges that therapists need to assess a person and define what the patients deficits are in order to conduct a proper therapy and figure out how to improve the persons capabilities. But I had this desire to document everythinga sense of wanting to make a documentary, but not in a very logical, coherent way. (2018). Thank you so much for joining us. Knowing that was not the answer, Mr Tan insisted for more tests and scans which subsequently revealed a dilated pupil and a blood clot in her brain, indicating signs of a stroke. WIRED LIVE. Wed had one meeting, and she really stuck in my mind. To revist this article, visit My Profile, then View saved stories. I was just blown away. I have no idea how I walked down four flights of stairs, orhow I found myself across the street in a hotel, trying to ask the receptionists for help. It left her initially unable to read, write, speak or think coheren. When we first see Sodderland in the riveting new Netflix documentary My Beautiful Broken Brain (premiering Friday after a run at SXSW), shes recording herself on her iPhone in the hospital shortly after regaining consciousness. Things change constantly for everybody. Really? Starring: Sophie Robinson, Lotje Sodderland Watch all you want. In the beginning, when I wanted to do a film, my family thought it was really weird, but they still supported me. From picking their next holiday to setting up their marital home, a stroke diagnosis was the last thing that the couple in their early forties had in mind. Sodderland saw parallels between the almost hallucinatory things she was experiencing and David Lynch films. This footage, which she captured just weeks after waking up from an induced coma, has become part of My Beautiful Broken Brain, a film by Sodderland and Sophie Robinson, which premieres tomorrow on Netflix. Do you remember Lotje? It was a big moment of acceptance. [7], My Beautiful Broken Brain had its world premiere at the 2014 International Documentary Film Festival Amsterdam, where it won the DOC U award. Since its inception, Aphasia SG has expanded its free community activities to include aphasia choir, virtual programmes and public outreach events such as movie screenings. My Beautiful Broken Brain combines her many iPhone recordingscapturing her experience became an obsession in the face of faulty short-term memoryinterviews shot by the documentarian Sophie Robinson beginning just weeks after the hemorrhage, and special effects footage that re-creates the terrifying fever-dream experience of being inside Sodderlands malfunctioning brain, a world she compares to the Red Room in David Lynchs Twin Peaks. The first ability I regained was speech. Our relationship professionally really developed once Id had the stroke. They realised that the recovery process can feel monotonous without some spontaneity. Her facial grimace betrays how bleak that reality seems to herdespite theattempt to expressthe thought with a smile. But mostly My Beautiful Broken Brain is about Sodderlands inner journey from confusion, trauma, and sometimes despair to remarkably sunny acceptance of her new life and her new mind. I felt that he would understand my situation. Registered in England No. Midway through the night, she wakes up with an excruciating headache that is so strong thatshe thinks she is going to die. If it feels weird and uncomfortable, well hold off a bit or maybe we just wont do it.. To our great surprise he wrote an email a few days later back. My Beautiful Broken Brain aired on Netflix on March 18, 2016. Doctors telling me things that I dont understand. It looks as though fans will finally be getting the comic book-faithful, foul-mouthed version of the character they wanted, but it remains to be seen whether Deadpool will actually be funny, or just descend into toilet humour, Zoolander's return was derailed somewhat by backlash over a trans/gender fluid character played by Benedict Cumberbatch. A few seconds later she realizes her mistake. Q: What kind of negative feelings arose during your recovery, and how did you manage or overcome them? .LS: I did. Join Facebook to connect with Lotje Sodderland and others you may know. 7.5 TV Movie When film-maker Lotje Sodderland had a severe stroke, she lost the ability to speak, read, write or think coherently. Lotje reveals her tips on adjusting to acquired communication disorder aphasia and finding a new way of life in her present reality. Before, I weighed my quality of life according to how busy I was, both at work and socially. I had been a film-maker: could I film this? Lotje: Im really fortunate to be born with an optimistic personality, and that really helped me as I kept thinking that everything was going to be OK and that the illness is actually not terrible. Vogue may earn a portion of sales from products that are purchased through our site as part of our Affiliate Partnerships with retailers. I struggled to find the logic in a toothbrush, or the system that goes with the washing of hair, even though I knew (without really understanding) that these behaviours were a necessary part of human life. It didnt really make that much sense: It was all in capitals, and there were no full stops. Lotje describes herself as hard-working, a traveler, someone who has lots of friends, someone who loves to read. Mr Tan shared: 25 January 2019 is a day that I try not to remember. All rights reserved. Once a teenage Twin Peaks fan, Sodderland started making small video diaries for the director for fun, not thinking that he'd ever see them. A white name tag was strapped around my wrist. Expect major face-palming from Trekkies in July. The fog was lifting. Platoon director Oliver Stone takes on a very important and timely story. Jan later filled in the gaps. I use Siri all the time. An excruciating pain in my head woke me up in the early hours. Dutch-French filmmaker Lotje Sodderland didn't know young people could suffer from a stroke - until she had one herself in 2011, then aged 34. It is run by a team of dedicated speech therapist volunteers. From Me to You: Kimi ni Todoke. "I remember it just felt like I was on the moon and looking down on everything," she tells me by phone, having just landed back in London after showing the film at SXSW festival in Austin, Texas. I enjoy our talks so much more these days. So it was worth it? Colours were brighter, sounds louder and emotions more raw. I had met friends at the pub, headed home around 10pm, watched the news on my laptop and gone to bed. Even listening to the radio is quite overwhelming. I had no strategy to survive any catastrophes of the heart was it utterly unwise to expose myself to such potential loss? I was aware of an existence, a me within my body. I am very fortunate that my friends and family are very loving and supportive. She turns to the camera and says: Anything can happen, at any time, to any degree. We sent that link through his agent, and other means of contact. I had the camera with me, and there and then we said, Should we just try to do a bit of filming now and see what it feels like for both of us? Films confused me the glaring shapes hurt my eyes. This year, I fell in love, a terrifying prospect when operating a new brain. A couple of speech and language therapists visited, brandishing two versions of the alphabet (upper and lower case) in plastic laminate. This was a very dramatic change and it happened very suddenly, but you have to accept that change is part of life. Two weeks after the stroke, I nearly burned the ward to a cinder when the hospital ran a standard independent living test on me (the making of tea and toast). I would need a code made of numbers. But there is real value in my new life: its much more meaningful and focused, and that includes my relationships. JOIN NOW Executive producer David Lynch played a pivotal role in Lotje Sodderland's recovery, as explained in this documentary. He shared: Im thankful for my friends for stepping in even my friend in Iran offered positive messages to my wife. Objects would appear, shift and disappear Icouldnt help but wonder if the world was playing an almighty trick on me. By the end of my first week out of hospital, I was able to speak, but without much coherence. Niamh Malone was a clinical nurse specialist in stroke rehabilitation for more than a decade. All the essentials: top fashion stories, editors picks, and celebrity style. Mit: . To get money, I would need to use a machine that spewed out notes. Protagonistas: Sophie Robinson,Lotje Sodderland Ve todo lo que quieras. EMMY AWARDS. I realised I didnt know the names of any of my body parts, and started to cry. "I just thought he'd understand," she says. My mum lent me a fiver. Founded in 2018 by volunteer speech therapists, Aphasia SG aims to create a community where patients with aphasia can bond and speak comfortably at their flagship programme, Chit Chat Cafe. Somebody gave me back my iPhone in the hospital, a few days after the stroke, and I quickly re-learned how to use it and started recording myself. Youve expanded, he said. I was put on a waiting list and while I waited, received what the NHS calls therapy at home. I still cant read for more than a few minutes at a time (these words are brought to you courtesy of Siri), but I see more of the world; a world that may not always have left-to-right linear patterns, but is intuited instead through subtle sensory experience. It was a lovely email. He subsequently became an executive producer on the film, "which definitely didn't hurt, having his name on your poster" notes Robinson. 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