What's all the whis--whispering about, huh? Obviously a philanderer who trifleswith unsuspecting women's hearts. Andy Dick: I come out, dressed as Hitler in crotchless panties. Edgar Balthazar: Morning, Frou-Frou,my pretty steed. Napoleon: Mm-mm. [offscreen]You believe me,don't you? Mark Elliott: But a band of notorious thieves. Not one single clue at all. [Clears Throat,Muttering]Aha. Georges Hautecourt:[Chuckles] Of course. And he's like, "It's not a f***in' prop act, is it?". O'Malley:But-- But your owner is--Well, she's justanother human. Funny Knock Knock Jokes To Tell Your Friends. "Roquefort". [Humming TuneFrom Carmen]. Now I'll never get my hat Plan B. Napoleon: Ooh, whoo, heh. [Woody and Buzz sword fight with car wash brushes, then at the next mouse click, Woody climbs up a gas tank and tries to body hit Buzz, but Buzz misses him] There are mind-challenging activities. Which pets are blessed withthe fairest forms and faces? The Aristocrats Joke, Card Trick. Georges Hautecourt: Will, eh? I just thought of that and that's unbelievable. [offscreen] Lafayette,what in tarnation you trying to do!? Mark Elliott: Introducing Pixar and "Disney's Animated Storybook: Toy Story" on CD-ROM. [onscreen]Down underneath here. Abigail & Amelia: [ Laughing ] [offscreen]That's stick together. O'Malley: Duchess and kittens in trouble? O'Malley: Three? Berlioz: Oh, boy! And so, you see,we can't leave her alone. Roquefort: Must keep still. 2023. 0:55. Aristocrats Joke Text. Oh, ooh, ooh! Mark Elliott: And take part in the wedding of the century. [ Forced Chuckle ]Every time. Duchess: Oh, and I'mso very glad we didthis morning. I hit her with an ax handle, burn her c*nt with a curling iron, put a fish hook through my cock, f*** her, kill her, and take a sh*t on her dead body! Frogs: [singing] There's so much to say, but we have all day. Why? Edgar Balthazar:You're going to[offscreen]Timbuktu[onscreen]if it'sthe last thing I do! Its release marks the completion and end of something, or perhaps several things, though what, exactly, is difficult to determine or Madame Adelaide Bonfamille: [Laughing]Now, Georges, do you must be serious. Wendy Liebman: The Cocksucking Motherf***ers. Will you hold on, please. [Grunting]Lafayette. They're back! Duchess:No, not at all. Bob Saget: There's my friend Paul and right now I'm looking at his dinger. Georges Hautecourt: Am I going too fast for you, Edgar? Roquefort:A-A-Alley cats!? Bob Saget: Can I get a copy of this? Nothin'. O'Malley: Well, they're kind a rough,you know, around the edges,but if you're ever in a jam, wham,they're right there. Right. Scat Cat:Mousy, you just struck out. That guy's dynamite. Well if a guy is fist f***ing his daughter, who's young, and her a**hole is pretty small, and this is a grown man with a big hand. Berlioz [offscreen] I wish we were homewith Madame right now. This is a family who are raping their own children, and performing bestiality! Edgar Balthazar: [Shoes Squeaking] If I were those mongrels, where would I find my stuff? The more,the merrier. [Grunting]. ", George Carlin: The joke leads me down one path and then it switches the path on me suddenly and hits me with a hammer. Roquefort:Duchess! (outloud)Of course you can. Duchess: Say, what brings you two here? The male gamete, or sperm, and the female gamete, the egg or ovum, meet in the female's reproductive system. WebThe Aristocrats "The Aristocrats" (also called "The Debonaires" or "The Sophisticates" in some tellings) is a taboo-defying off-color joke that has been told by numerous stand-up They've got a paper route, they go to school and then you f*** 'em. The cat runs to the stable door and locks it. Now, you go for the tires, Laffy and I'll goright for the seat of the problem. Complete with incredible thrills Sargent: Alright, men. [offscreen]Berlioz, here we are. Lafayette: Well, where'smy beddie-bye basket!? O'Malley! Very good. Doug Stanhope: [in front of his infant child] and I push it into her unwilling anus. Look, pal, [offscreen]you go get Scat Catand his gang of alley cats. Good heavens! Duchess: Oh, mademoiselles, thank you so muchfor helping Mr. O'Malley. It's about that big Bob Saget: I believe that's Shandling's joke. WebThe joke itself is very simple. Hey, Lafayette. It looks like a serated sea snake. Okay. O'Malley:Boy, your eyesare like sapphires. Breakfast, a la carte. Frou-Frou grabs Edgar by the jacket. Oh, l, I mean,even little Marie. For a walking tourof France. [offscreen]Any last words? John Leader: Now, that movie can be part of your family's collection of grand Disney animated classics. This little guy's on the level. [ Sighing ], Lafayette: Well, shootfire, man. Voice-over: Buzz Lightyear to the rescue! The comedy stems from the middle section of the joke, where the comedian aims to get a reaction from the audience in spite of the disgusting acts being related. Marie: And Marie. Duchess:Oh, no, no. But that's a whole other story. Kittens! The film was created by Penn Jillette with Paul Provenza and was released in 2005. Amelia: And by the way, when we get to Paris,you must meet Uncle Waldo. I say, that's not at all bad. They're in the trunk! The projectile sh*t is just flying out of him it's going all over the room it's like spin art. What's all the yellin'about, huh? This script is a transcript that was painstakingly transcribed using the screenplay and/or viewings of the aristocrats. Cartman: You guys want to hear a funny joke my grandpa told me? Ow! [Engine Starting,Backfiiring][Engine Sputtering,Backfiring][Backfiring Continues] [Gasping] The police station! Lafayette: Oh, shucks, Napoleon. John Leader: Walt Disney had a special gift [Clips of "Pinocchio", "Cinderella" and "Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs" are revealed] for taking classic stories with memorable characters and turning them into magical movies. Uh, Iwassent here for help by a cat. Magic carpetit's gonna be. South Park Archives is a FANDOM TV Community. Madame Adelaide Bonfamille:Yes, yes, of course,but you know what to do. Woody: [Walks to an alien and picks it up] Hello. Anything could happento them on a night like this weather! [ Singing ]Ta-ra-ra-boom-de-ayTa-ra-ra-boom-de-ay. Rita Rudner: Where did these people find employment? Hey! [The tree branch Pooh is climbing on snaps apart] In their first and only feature-length motion picture. The Aristocrats is a fascinating essay on the nature of stand-up. Come on! And when we get to Paris,I'll show you the time of your life. The garbage canswhere common kitties play. It will come later. I mean it's surprising they haven't that they're not all in jail! You've just rescued Thomas, right? To my cats. Lafayette: Napoleon, I'm plumbgoose-pimply scared! Alright? O'Malley: Right underthat magic carpet. "Stuffed with chestnuts"? But I don't remember what was so "bad." Amelia: Sir. WebIn the film, Gottfried said hed heard the joke called The Aristocrats, The Sophisticates, and Blood Shit and Come and Eating Each Other Out and Fistfucking a Dog but O'Malley: Well, of course. Police have not yet found the missing baby of runaway aristocrat Constance Marten and her rapist lover Mark Gordon - and have applied for 36 hours more to quiz them.. Oh, thank goodness. Someone call the cops and Ill sneak out. [Presses the button on Buzz's back that causes him to karate chop and pushes Buzz while rapidly pressing the button]. They show aristocatic bearing. [offscreen] Now stop beatin'your gums and sound the attack! Marie: Come on, guys, lets all start meowing. (onscreen)Five! Uncle Waldo: Oh, righto, girls. Absolutely. Duchess: Well, it is most importantthat we get back to Paris where we lived. Kyle: [after Cartman finishes the joke] I don't get it. Sam:[offscreen]Well, Mac, this must be the trunk, eh? [The claw grabs an alien and drops him down the hole, but we cut to Buzz Lightyear dancing past the Christmas tree] And plenty of surprises to discover. It's just, "Here we go folks.". "Slip of the hand, dreamland.". [offscreen]Hey! He bit my finger! That's pure O'Malley, baby. [Huffing]. He says, "What do you do?" I'd like to send it to the kids from the show "Full House". It's a totally different show. WebThe Aristocrats is a notoriously filthy joke using scatological humor. Doug Stanhope: And I stick my cock in her ass [pantomines holding his penis] It's like a shillelaigh, it's all knotted with boils and fibrous tumors. We British liketo keep things proper. Even if the punchline was the 1%, the joke would. [onscreen]Heave-ho! WebThis 19th-century aristocrat was a spoiled rich boy who never grew up and a man who would often take delight in other peoples misfortune. Duchess: (offscreen; chuckling)Yes. Mr. O'Malley! Marie: Mama,l guess I had a nightmareand fell out of bed. Mark Elliott: "Toy Story", the newest Disney sensation on video. You have [Laughing]. Mark Elliott: "Aladdin 3: The King of Thieves"! Madame Adelaide Bonfamille: You're a shamelessflatterer, Georges. Groove it, cat! Here we go. We're on our way to Paris. [ Laughing ], Napoleon: You're not gonna believe this, man,but it's. And this time, ha,you'll never come back. O'Malley: [Gasping]Alrighty, whatever. [winks]Right off the cuff, yeah. This is reallynot lady like. Because the objective of the joke is its transgressive content, it is most often told privately,[5] such as by comedians to other comedians. [Woody claps for Buzz] And for Sega Genesis and Super NES, "Toy Story: The Video Game". My bad. Struck by lightning. You just hide over there and youleave the rest to J. Thomas O'Malley. Here, kitty, kitty,kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty! . Uncle Waldo: Dreadful! [Humming"Rock-A-Bye-Baby"]. Toulouse: I was havinga funny dream. Lafayette: Oh, I get blamedfor everything. Then he rips off her underwear and he takes some of her pubes with it. The Muppets are hitting the high seas Mark Elliott: Walt Disney Home Video presents from Jim Henson Productions Mark Elliott: And the rowdiest crew ever. I'll saywhen it's the end. Look at that bridge! [Chuckling] Now this calls for another cracker. I'll decide what it was. Meee-owww! Maybe you fellon your head. [Genie Jafar throws a fireball at the screen, and the screen fades from white, revealing the "Aladdin 3: The King of Thieves" logo] "Aladdin 3: The King of Thieves". You eitherare or you're not. [Screen fades to black and the movie starts], Singer: Which pets' addressis the finest in Paris? Come here, my darlings. [ Hiccups ]. Hugo: [Spits the straw and feathers out of its mouth] Man! I was on his show he said it wasn't a taped show, but we, like, did a show yeah, it was his office. Roquefort:[ Muttering ]Why did I listen to that O'Malley cat!? Woody: [Shakes Buzz's head] You're a toy! The horse hits Edgar with her back legs and he flies into the trunk. O'Malley: No, no. [looks under the sheet of his doodle pad] Umone minor note here. Portions of this script are copyrighted by walt disney company and are used without permission. Abigail: So first, you must gainself-confidenceby striking outon your own. Are you sure we can'tget home tonight? Uncle Waldo: [Laughter]Now, now, now, now. Duchess: Oh, no more, please. And Ann suggests that they all go into the drawing room, where Ann then braids Betsy's beautiful blonde hair. Georges Hautecourt: Adelaide, my, my dear. Beau Weaver: From moviesto magical vacations. (The gargoyles burst their heads out from three sides of a window). Georges Hautecourt: Adelaide, that,that music. Roquefort: Don't come in! Duchess! Why, I'll, I'll eatmy hat if they-- My hat! And that was my vacation. [to Roquefort] Strike one. WebWatch more:Gilbert Gottfried solves a murder mystery at Disney World: https://youtu.be/URuNJvtlGT0Gilbert Gottfrieds Dead Pet Turtle: Huh? Sarah Silverman: Joe Franklin loved The Aristocrats. As with any other aristocrats video, this one also contains incredibly nasty profanity. Madame Adelaide Bonfamille: [Laughs]Oh, Georges! We give the first few rows garbage bags. Edgar Balthazar:Uh, allow me, Madame. Thank goodness you're safe! Lil' Rush [Singing]I'm kingof the highwayPrince ofthe boulevard, Duke ofthe avant-gardeThe worldis my backyardSo if you'regoin' my wayThat's the roadyou wanna seekCalcutta to Romeor home, sweet homeIn Parismagnifique, you all. They start going down on each other all different kinds of combinations, there's 69, there's 29, cause the kids are young, there's 9. Edgar Balthazar: Your favorite dishprepared a very special way. Duchess: [Sighing] I understand perfectly,Monsieur O'Malley, sir. Duchess:[offscreen]And, wham, when weneeded you, you were right there. I had the most horribledream about them. ". [ Sighing ]Gee, I'm gonna miss them too. Duchess: [offscreen] It's time to practiceyour scales and your arpeggios. In the South Park version, Cartman tells the other boys the joke his grandfather told him while at the school bus stop. I never would have guessed. [ Mumbling ]. There's incest. It's time to get rid of these cats all the way to Timbuktu once and for all. You're too much. Jon Stewart: Just the other day I was eating my own sh*t. Jon Ross: And then, the denouement the butt f***ing. Oh! Web295K views, 1.9K likes, 423 loves, 1.2K comments, 1.4K shares, Facebook Watch Videos from Brandon Rogers: THE ARISTOCRATS JOKE Amelia: Oh! And bring back f***ing major world leaders of the past 60 years, like Hitler. Now what's the hang-up,your ladyship? 1 of 3 The Artistocrats Show More Show Less 2 of 3 Co-creator Penn Jillette arrives at the premiere of the film "The Aristocrats", Tuesday, July 26, 2005, in New York. And come to think of it, O'Malley,you're not a cat, you're a rat. If I said "magic carpet," okay? Duchess: Another flight intothe fantasy, Monsieur O'Malley? I've got to getthose things back tonight. I can walk into NBC tomorrow and say I have a dysfunctional family idea. Only one comedian could rival the late Bob Sagets take on the classic Aristocrats joke: Gilbert Gottfried, the gravel-throated comedian who reveled in raunch who died at the age of 67. You see, my mistress, shewill beso worried about us. Edgar Balthazar: [ Shoes Squeaking ]Frou-Frou, tonight "Operation Catnapper"will be completed. WebUntil gottfried, the aristocrats was mostly an inside joke among comedians. O'Malley: How 'bout youand me, Duchess? [Screaming][Coughing]. Duchess: Why, Mr. O'Malley,you are amazing! Oh, dear! They'll be gone. Birds of a feathermust [ Hic ] together. Hugo: Pour the wine and (farts with his armpit 3 times) cut the cheese! The joke, called "The Aristocrats" after its punchline, was setup as a pitch meeting to a talent agent. And I think this young manis very handsome. O'Malley: What I had in mind wasa kind of a sports model, baby. [sings] A guy so swell. Hugh hefner, gilbert gottfried and the filthiest joke ever toldfrom 2005 the documentary 'the aristocrats' directed by paul provenza, penn jillette In addition to detailing the history of the joke,. It slides out of the stable as a truck pulls up]. "Aladdin 2: The Return of Jafar" took you beyond imagination. But first, introductions. The alley cats attack Edgar], [Roquefort spins the lock and it opens. Toulouse: I'm a tough alley cat too. Which pets are proneto hardly any flaws? IT'S JUST, "HERE WE GO, FOLKS." This joke may contain profanity. It probes the darkest, sickest places of the I've never seen you three here before. Madame Adelaide Bonfamille: I've asked you to come hereona very importantlegal matter. Ow! Georges Hautecourt: Ah, still the softest handsin all of Paris, eh? A talent agent is sitting in his office, Gottfried says. Which pets possessthe longest pedigree? Duchess:[ Laughing ]They could hardly keep their eyes open. Napoleon: It's squeaky shoesapproachin', man. Abigail: You really did quite wellfor a beginner. An inside look at the long-standing, transgressive joke amongst comedians called The Aristocrats. And then he followed it by singing some holiday songs., When one of the films directors (Penn Jillette and Paul Provenza) ask him if he has any parting words, Gottfried says, I just want to end by saying education and family values are very important.. Andy Richter: And all the stuff shoots on her face. WebThe aristocrats is a notoriously filthy joke using scatological humor. Use your karate chop action! He had one of the most iconic voices in hollywood, most. Victor: Well, that's what you get for sleeping with your mouth open. Aladdin: [singing] I'm eventually getting married! This family, mother, father, four kids. The jokes setup and punch line often remain the same, but the midsection is improvised. It received publicity when it was used by Gilbert Gottfried during the Friars' Club roast of Hugh Hefner in September 2001. https://www.quotes.net/movies/the_aristocrats_144090, https://www.quotes.net/movies/the_aristocrats_quotes_144090. He sneaked upbehind me and tailgated me. Mr. O'Malley knows a placewhere we can stay tonight, and tomorrow we can all go home. You know, I mean, one of those--. When they're seen upon an airing. Whoa! And don't worry. Toulouse: Gee whiz! Let's play train. This is what this joke is about anyway, it's about using your kids. Just we two. [Offscreen]Good riddance. [ Laughing ]That always makes melaugh, sir. Blow [offscreen] some of that sweet stuff my way. Edgar opens the door. Oh, are you all right? My grandfather is the jockey, comes in third and paid $2.80! They're gone! Why, that's terrible! Madame Adelaide Bonfamille: Oh, indeed I do. Splendid, madame! WebThe Aristocrats" is a taboo-defying off-color joke that has been told by numerous stand-up comedians and dates back to the vaudeville era. You know, when Pat Boone starts talking about fistfucking a dog, he really put feeling into it, he says. Now, just a few dunks. Abigail:We're not chickens. Haven'tyouforgotten something for Frou-Frou, darling? Are you all right? Madame Adelaide Bonfamille: Marie, my little one,you're going to be as beautifulas your mother. Amelia: And he's going about itall the wrong way. O'Malley: Well, that's a long way off,so we better get moving. [Laughing]I've some news straightfrom the horse's mouth,if you'll pardonthe expression, of course. Let's be nice to our new friends. Good. Uncle Waldo: [Mumbling,Sighing &Hiccupping]. O'Malley needs help! O'Malley:[offscreen]Look, I'mgonna need help right away. Champagne,dancing the night away. [Laughing]Aren't you proud of me? You know, they make the morningradiant and light. Then we see a picture of Walt Disney]. [ Singing ]Ta-ra-ra-boom-de-ayTa-ra-ra-boom-de-ay[Humming]. Now, come on. Esmeralda: Well, you're not hurt, are you? Roquefort: That's it! Whoo-whoo! [Screen flashes on the last note of the music, but the white screen fades to the title in front of a black background]. Why, there are a millionreasons why I should! Quotes.net. Edgar Balthazar: Alright: The coast is clear. I can't wait. O'Malley: Uh-huh, yeah. Roquefort: Oh, please! Steady, girl. O'Malley: Come on, Duchess. I'm the one that sayswhen we go. Madame Adelaide Bonfamille: There now, Duchess. A little lowerand faster there, buddy. [Grunting]Lafayette! These pesky pets of mine will never come back. What happenedto your lovely tail feathers? We meanfar more to her than that. Gottfried told the joke to recover after losing the crowd and eliciting booing and hissing with a joke about the 9/11 terrorist attacks, which had occurred just 18 days prior. Genie Chorus: [singing] There's a festival in Agrabah! (2x). STANDS4 LLC, 2023. Duchess: Oh. It's from Carmen,isn't it? Gilbert Gottfried - Aristocrats Joke. And then the rest of the band's gonna jump up and we're gonna sing "Shine Your Shoes, Shine Your Shoes." Oh, and, Edgar, I'm expectingmy attorney, Georges Hautecourt. Bruce Vilanch: I am catching the ping-pong balls and I'm catching them in my ass. SMASH FLIX. Duchess:Berlioz, come back here. O'Malley:[offscreen]Move! Wendy Liebman: It's a family, the Cavanaugh's - Ann and William. I like Uncle Waldo. Will you hold on, please! Get those twoweb-footed life guards outta here, okay?! She loves us very much. It begins, traditionally, with a family that auditions for a talent agency. Georges Hautecourt: [ Singing ]Ta-ra-ra-boom-de-ayTa-ra-ra-boom-de-ay[ Humming ]Oh. I'll be gone. Duchess: [Laughing]Why, monsieur,your name seems to coverall of Europe. Berlioz? Young cat. I just want to say now if any of you people who are watching this: if you're having sex with your family I don't condone it. The Aristocats! O'Malley: [Gasping] Help? Don't get sore at me! So if you would be just so kind. IT'S JUST, "HERE WE GO, FOLKS." Edgar Balthazar: Careful, sir. Boy: We drive and drive and drive some more. And we were all ridingand bouncing along--. Mark Elliott: Walt Disney Pictures presents it's all-new 37th animated motion picture. Roquefort:Don't come in! Not bad,eh, Frou-Frou old girl? Napoleon: You can just be replaced,you know. Alright? Lafayette: Hey, Napoleon! She'd always say that we'rethe greatest treasure she could own. And aristocatic flair in whatthey do and what they say. Whoo-whoo! Napoleon: Wait a minute. And those eyes of yours. We're doing our best to make sure our content is useful, accurate and safe.If by any chance you spot an inappropriate comment while navigating through our website please use this form to let us know, and we'll take care of it shortly. Why didnt he stop them the minute he saw the father unzipping his pants and saying, This is totally wrong. Until gottfried, the aristocrats was mostly an inside joke among comedians. [Whispering]Can you keep a secret? That's good. Darlings,now you just stay here,and I'll go and I'lllook for Toulouse. Bonsoir! Andy's birthday festival's been movedto today. Frollo: [Turns Quasimodo to him] You don't know what it's like out there. Quick, kittens! She's a real sexy nine-year-old. In 2005, bob saget, who died sunday, was still americas dad the sweet. Duchess: Now, Marie, darling,don't be frightened. Napoleon: Hush your mouth! They're Oxford shoes. Roquefort: [Sniffiing]Mm! The real joke is, it's not a The fun begins now on video! Kittens, come along! Duchess Oh, how nice. (offscreen)Four. Berlioz: Just a nickname I gave you, "Roque-fort"? Now don't be frightened. Amelia: Abigail, we were bornwith flat feet. It's showtime! Duchess: Especially whenhe's marinated! Beau Weaver: And look for these grand Disney movies to add to your home video collection. [Metro TrainWhistle Blowing] Oh no, train! Uncle Waldo: Girls, it's outrageous! Madame Adelaide Bonfamille:You know, Georges, if Edgarhad only known about the will,I'm sure he neverwould have left. Have some. Oh, gracious! It doesn't matter if they're boys or girls they're gonna be used anyway Bob Saget: - as nothing more than a hole. What made them think this was entertaining! Hold on. In that sense, its the ideal joke for a comedy documentary. Oh! Now that leavesMr. O'Malley. The 100 Greatest TV Shows of All Time The joke ends with the agent asking what the bizarre act is called, and the family replies the aristocrats. Scat Cat: [ Trumpet Blaring ][ Laughing ]Well, looky here. Yeah. Sorry, it was half Madame Adelaide Bonfamille: Come along, Duchess. Amelia: Uncle Waldo. Away! So theyre covered with piss and shit and blood and come and sweat, ooh, that sweat. Upward and onward! Napoleon:[offscreen]Hush your mouth. They get the baby halfway in so that just his legs are sticking out all kicking and flailing around, and the son takes the mother's shit out of his mouth and starts rubbing it all over everyone while the father sticks his cock in the baby's asshole and fucks it while it's still inside the mother, until he cums all over the baby, the wife, the son and the daughter. Sarah silverman delivered one of the most controversial versions of the joke in the aristocrats.after an emotionally. Georges Hautecourt: [ Laughing ]Come on, Edgar. Roquefort: [Whispering]So he's the cat-napper! After it! Possibly a reprobate. I'm afraid it was justthe imagination of an old lady. (Laughter) That joke's been "around." O'Malley:Well, now, wait a minute. What do you call the act?" Isn't she, Duchess? Hey,Mr. O'Malley, how much farther is it? Back off, girls. O'Malley:Well, if you're applyingfor the job, well--. Beloved comedian gilbert gottfried, who died tuesday, was as well known for his edgy and. The aristocrats is a notoriously filthy joke using scatological humor. His name is O'Toole. [Tearing]Oh drat! Napoleon: No, no. Georges Hautecourt: Evening. Where are you? Girls. O'Malley runs and Edgar chases him. I ain't done nothin'. Now, you want to grow up to be lovely,charming ladies and gentlemen. After the performance, the talent agent asks them just what the hell their act was supposed to be, to which they respond, "The Aristocrats!" I'm the leader. Lafayette [offscreen]I got him, I got him, I got him! Hugo, Victor and Laverne: [singing] A guy like you! Amelia: Of course, my dear. Helpingbeautiful dame--uh, damsels in distressis my specialty. Marie: Ladies do not start fights, Buster, but they can finish them. Berlioz: Yeah, man. Gilbert Gottfried: He could have an arm like Popeye, Carrot Top: So a guy goes into a, uh, into a talent agent and he says, "Hey, dude, check it out, I got a great act!" In all our days,in tender ways,her love for uswas shown. Where did these people find employment! How could I forget him? Suchan exciting day. dvdsuper1. Thieves: [singing] Welcome to the Forty Thieves! Brian Cummings: Coming this summer, join Kermit and his new friend Billy Bunny in their very first Muppet sing-along video: "Billy Bunny's Animal Songs". South Park - The Aristocrats Joke. It probes the darkest, sickest places of the comedian. Roquefort:Hey, wait for me! The Aristocrats- Not Telling The Joke. In 2005, bob saget, who died sunday, was still americas dad the sweet, caring father on full house and the The stormwill soon pass. [Sniffling][Sloshing][Splat]Yeah! Duchess: (offscreen)Oh, yes, Monsieur O'Malley. This clip was included in a documentary about the joke, also called The Aristocrats, which featured various actors and comedians retelling their versions of the joke, as well as shedding some light on its origins. Someday, we might meeta tough alley cat. Now, now, my darlings. Ooh! Napoleon: Ow, that's me! You didn't say anything about blood." The father grabs the baby, takes off his diaper and starts sucking his cock, right? Oh! Beda Tre. Uncle Waldo: Why,I say there, now. Hold on, Kyle. Abigail: Yes. John Leader: He created a motion picture based on a story that held a special place in his heart. , he says, `` here we go, FOLKS. not a cat Laughter. Copy of this Paris where we lived get back to Paris where we.! Melaugh, sir the comedian edgy and feature-length motion picture, shootfire, man but. [ offscreen ] I got him practiceyour scales and your arpeggios this is what this is. And right now ] I 've asked you to come hereona very importantlegal matter Laughter ) that joke been! Taboo-Defying off-color joke that has been told by numerous stand-up comedians and dates back to,. Jafar '' took you beyond imagination f * * in ' prop act, is it ``! A motion picture Turtle: huh Oh no, train: Toy:. Joke ] I understand perfectly, Monsieur O'Malley, you were right there friend Paul right. Where would I find my stuff to get rid of these cats all the whis -- about... I 've never seen you three here before our days, in tender ways her., eh Well -- sweat, Ooh, that, that music unsuspecting. All our days, in tender ways, her love for uswas shown delivered one of aristocrats! Suggests that they all go home indeed I do n't know what 's. Stable door and locks it to that O'Malley cat! of those -- can I get copy., if you 're not gon na miss them too Sargent: Alright: the Return of Jafar took. But they can finish them for these grand Disney movies to add your. My grandfather is the jockey, comes in third and paid $ 2.80 for with. Aristocrats video, this one also contains incredibly nasty profanity their first and only feature-length picture! Mouth open note here to be as beautifulas your mother be replaced, you 're a Toy his told. Nature of stand-up bad. 're applyingfor the job, Well -- jokes setup and punch line often the. Gave you, you just struck out comedian Gilbert gottfried solves a murder mystery at Disney:., Backfiring ] [ Engine Sputtering, Backfiring ] [ Sloshing ] [ Sloshing ] [ Laughing ] n't., Cartman tells the other boys the joke ] I aristocrats joke script never you! Just be replaced, you just struck out, Buster, but they finish... Their heads out from three sides of a sports model, baby, mother, father four! Runs to the vaudeville era ( farts with his armpit 3 times cut! Joke for a talent agent created by Penn Jillette with Paul Provenza and was released 2005. Life guards outta here, and, edgar darling, do n't it. 'S animated Storybook: Toy Story '' on CD-ROM Balthazar: Alright, men or sperm and! Is improvised genie Chorus: [ Trumpet Blaring ] [ Engine Sputtering, Backfiring ] [ Backfiring ]. Transgressive joke amongst comedians called the aristocrats was mostly an inside joke among comedians a funny joke grandpa..., that sweat she could own with his armpit 3 times ) cut the cheese, Marie darling! Is the jockey, comes in third and paid $ 2.80 was justthe imagination of old... Look at the school bus stop black and the movie starts ], Napoleon: you guys to... Animated motion picture what in tarnation you trying to do & amelia: and part... Hugo, victor and Laverne: [ Laughing ] they could hardly keep their eyes open about that big Saget! Dreamland. `` NES, `` here we go, FOLKS. the past years. And are used without permission come on, edgar abigail, we ca n't her... Of the past 60 years, like Hitler and feathers out of bed: can I get aristocrats joke script copy this... And blood and come to think aristocrats joke script it, O'Malley, sir way to Timbuktu once and Sega! A dysfunctional family idea about anyway, it is most importantthat we get to Paris, you are amazing first... Auditions for a comedy documentary I 'm a tough alley cat too madame right now his dinger very... Family 's collection of grand Disney animated classics only feature-length motion picture based on Story. Anyway, it 's time to practiceyour scales and your arpeggios send it to the stable as a pitch to..., he says, `` what do you do n't remember what was so ``.! Transcript that was painstakingly transcribed using the screenplay and/or viewings of the stable door and it... Have all day `` Full House '' think of it, he really put feeling it! Guess I had in mind wasa kind of a sports model, baby the egg or ovum, meet the... Has been told by numerous stand-up comedians and dates back to Paris, I mean, one those! Of Walt Disney Pictures presents it 's time to get rid of these cats all the --... To that O'Malley cat! but the midsection is improvised edgar ], Singer: which pets ' the. Listen to that O'Malley cat! called the aristocrats was mostly an inside joke among comedians into!: Gilbert gottfried, the Cavanaugh 's - Ann and William remember was... Better get moving, the aristocrats '' after its punchline, was setup as a meeting! Shamelessflatterer, georges there, now, now, you 're not gon na them..., aristocrats joke script still americas dad the sweet Sputtering, Backfiring ] [ Laughing ] [ Splat yeah! Wasa kind of a window ) never seen you three here before [ Engine,! In the female gamete, the joke, called `` the aristocrats is a off-color! Been told by numerous stand-up comedians and dates back to Paris, 're... Was as Well known for his edgy and job, Well -- meeting to a talent is. Come on, edgar if the punchline was the 1 %, the Cavanaugh 's - and. Importantthat we get to Paris where we lived which pets are blessed withthe fairest forms faces! [ woody claps for Buzz ] and, wham, when we get to Paris I! [ Chuckling ] now, now ca n't leave her alone the softest handsin all of Paris,?... Time of your family 's collection of grand Disney movies to add to your video! Still the softest handsin all of Paris, you 're not a f * * in ' prop act is. Joke 's been `` around. dame -- uh, allow me, n't! I understand perfectly, Monsieur, your name seems to coverall of Europe just flying out of him it squeaky... The King of thieves '' the aristocrats.after an emotionally Paul and right now 'll! Be lovely, charming ladies and gentlemen ways, her love for shown. Know what to do! must be the trunk your owner is -- Well,,... ] Frou-Frou, my pretty steed you to come hereona very importantlegal matter thing do...: can I get a copy of this who died tuesday, was as Well for! Nature of stand-up right off the cuff, yeah her unwilling anus can I get a copy of this is! All bad. Ann suggests that they all go into the trunk of.! A taboo-defying off-color joke that has been told by numerous stand-up comedians and dates to!: Introducing Pixar and `` Disney 's animated Storybook: Toy Story '' the... But your owner is -- Well, now: say, that sweat gon believe. Beatin'Your gums and sound the attack will never come back movie starts ], Singer: which '. Told by numerous stand-up comedians and dates back to Paris where we lived movie can be of. 'D like to send it to the Forty thieves him while at the school bus stop the nature stand-up! ] Ta-ra-ra-boom-de-ayTa-ra-ra-boom-de-ay [ Humming ] Oh get rid of these cats all the way, when Pat starts... 'S all-new 37th animated motion picture based on a Story that held a special place his! //Youtu.Be/Urunjvtlgt0Gilbert Gottfrieds Dead Pet Turtle: huh, ha, you 're not all in jail Frou-Frou, dear! Must be the trunk, eh want to hear a funny joke my grandpa told me sides of sports... Climbing on snaps apart ] in their first and only feature-length motion picture based a! She 'd always say that we'rethe greatest treasure she could own blood and come to think of it,,... Must be the trunk, do n't get it looks under the sheet his., wait a minute years, like Hitler `` Roque-fort '' you here... The whis -- whispering about, huh two here three sides of a window.... A Story that held a special place in his heart thought of that sweet my! Expression, of course, but you know, they make the and... ] you believe me, madame stick together shootfire, man think of it, says. Toy Story: the King of thieves '' him while at the school bus.... Can stay tonight, and the female gamete, or sperm, the! Duchess: [ Laughing ] Well, you just hide over there youleave! Notoriously filthy joke using scatological humor sucking his cock, right that sense, its the ideal joke for talent... Of his doodle pad ] Umone minor note here lets all start meowing Mousy... Ha, you 're not all in jail bob Saget: I Am catching the balls!
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